My posting today is simple. Wait, all of my postings are meant to be simple. All right then…todays post is meant to be extra simple.
I have a problem with t-shirts. Well my first problem with t-shirts is that I like them too much. But apparently that’s very normal for somone like me (click on the light-colored font for a link). My real problem though is with t-shirt sizes. First off, I am stuck right in-between sizes. I prefer to refer to it as “MARGE”…though some may enjoy saying “LEDIUM” if they choose (Although I must admit “SCHEDIUM” is more fun…if only I were a little smaller). If I buy a Medium t-shirt, it’s generally a bit too tight in the chest and a little too short in the length and the sleeves. I realize Abercrombie tried to coin “muscle tees” along these exact measurements, but I like my t-shirts to show off my carefree attitude, not my ripped abs and biceps. Although I may think differently if I possessed either of those qualities. As for Larges, they’re usually a bit too baggy, a bit too long, and a bit too roomy in the arms. I am stuck, smack right in-between both.
But the real problem isn’t that I’m stuck in-between…it’s that many mediums actually fit me. And it’s also that many larges fit me as well. There is no standard for what a t-shirt size should actually be. I have two t-shirts from a little company called J-Crew. They’re made from the same fabric and everything. They fit exactly the same. But get this: one is a small…the other an extra large! Are you serious?! Something needs to be done.
What I propose right here in this blog is something revolutionary. It’s something so bold that I’m going to step out of my office and look down the hallway both ways before I come back to type it. Okay…the coast is clear:
I propose universal t-shirt sizes!
I know, it’s crazy. But before you get all hot and bothered, just hear me out. Imagine never having to try on a t-shirt again. Imagine never worrying about what size t-shirt you ordered online or over the phone. If you’re a small, the shirt will fit like a small. Every single one will fit the same. Whether you’re buying from one of the greatest online t-shirt sites ever, or the newest thing to take over every female’s free-will…the shirts will have the same dimensions and the same cuts. There will be universal sizes like there should one day be a universal currency. Really, is this asking too much? Is the U.N. busy with anything else? If George W. really wanted to go out with a bang…this is the way to do it.