The last couple weeks have been very difficult for me. Normally you can tell I am going through a hard time if I am journaling or writing frequently. If I start writing poetry than you know I am crushed and really in need of some prayer. All that being said- here is the poem I wrote before deciding to tell one of my closest friends of my feelings for her and deciding that I needed some time apart. In the moment, it felt like the hardest thing I had ever done, but I believe in a God that restores relationships and I fervently hope that our relationship will one day be even stronger because of this.
Scents of the Soul
I sat beside my closest friend and spoke
In depth of daily moments spent alone
And learned with wonder how it felt to joke
And laugh with one who understood the tone
Of misspoken words, but each hour was spent
In fear that seeing her that day had raised
My hope on tope the crested wave that met
The jagged rocks with force. Below untamed
Emotions rings my song to captivate,
To clarify and motivate, escape
From bars that felt like home and win debates
Between my heart and mind. To choose my fate
A luxury unknown to those who dare
To cast their stone beyond the reach of sight.
Yet choice remains of how to fall: to stare
Into defeat and march ahead or type
The simple note “good-bye.” Still I wonder
Which type of man I’ll be. I stand before
The judge and dare to link my eyes with hers
But without hope my soul can breathe no more.
“My brother. Friend. Come up and stay awhile”
These loving words reversed the time it took
This boy to be a man. To ask her why
Impossible, but still I ask and look
Into the emerald eyes for hope, the scent
Of life that feeds the soul until my dreams
Become reality. Rehearsed words meant
To make amends can never heal the themes
Of stories told in passion. ‘Look again
At me,’ I plead, ‘and see the man and not
The friend.‘ I see the future now and then
Less clearly than I hoped: a hiker caught
In mountains late at night with nothing left
To guide my feet, but crescent moons at flight.
Come fall and stumble down this hill and set
Your hand in mine with opened eyes at night.