I started law school last week and have quickly found that I will have very little time to myself over the next three years. My thoughts and reflections on my own life are limited to the 23 minute bus ride from my house to school. Luckily it is a beautiful drive down Lakeshore that is able to stir my inner soul. Unfortunately, it is far too short and at the end of the ride I am left with only a random assortment of half filled thoughts and ideas. Here is my day’s journey today.
I have found that I am heavily affected by music. It can put me to sleep, make me cry, get pumped up for a night out, reflect on good and evil, see God etc. With this in mind, I often put my I-pod on shuffle and allow ‘the powers that be’ govern my mood by the random song selection. My morning starts darkly with Sigor Ros’ Ny Batteri.
Sigur Ros – “Ny Batteri“
It takes me a while to get law out of my system as it appears to enter into all aspects of my life including my dreams. I want to hold on to the reason of why I went into law in the first place, which is to gain the skills/power to be able to adequately fight against the injustices of the world. I do find it ironic, however, that so far in my life the greatest darkness that I have ever fought against is that of my own soul. Hopefully this will give me greater compassion later in life and in my career.
I can already see in the first week of school that it will push me harder than anything I have encountered so far in life. I also realize that, besides being cut from my baseball team in 7th grade, I have never really failed at anything. I have never faced true hardship. I have never really been tested. How easy it is to claim that I have some great faith when I have never been so angry at God that I wanted to run from his presence. Half of me is terrified by this. Certainly everyone fails in life and fails completely. Everyone hits bottom or faces some terrible travesty. Another part of me is desperate for this. I read of the glory and greatness that comes from men being brought to their knees, of rising from the ashes, of pain being transformed into character. I certainly have been brought to my knees, but of items of such little consequence that it hardly seems to matter.
So what next? What can I do, but throw up my hands and say, “Do with me what you will”? “If you want to throw me into the fire and see if I last than do it. If you want to keep me under protective glass to save for another purpose than do it.” Who am I to complain of the blessings that God has poured on my life because I fear it means missing some of his lessons?
Sorry dark songs create darker thoughts. Part II, coming tomorrow, stems from the second song of my ride… Down on the Corner by Creedance Clearwater revival.